then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize