I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
