considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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