i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
