woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
