I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
