So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
