the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
