theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
