Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
