I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
