I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
