i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
