you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
