everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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