I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
