i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
