There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
