I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
