he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
