Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
