my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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