Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
