Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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