So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
