with your own penis?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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