walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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