Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
