Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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