i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
