Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
