Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
