i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
