I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
