i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator