At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say