Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night