I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.