today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup