Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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