Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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