Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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