I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
