i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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