Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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