I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
