i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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