Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
