im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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