Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
