You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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