Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
