i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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