Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
