i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
