My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
