I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
