I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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