Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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